018 [Video]

[deathsdoctor]

[Law’s journal clicks on, thanks to the meddling of two annoying houseguests, far, far away from the man (who is manfully restraining some violent urges towards his visitors.), and records the following conversation.]

*Hic* - Hey! Hey, Jack! You gotta try this orange soda. It’s got some kick.

Santa’s going to be mad at you. No drinking on the job! … uh, where did you find that stuff, anyway?

[Inquiring elves want to know, okay?]

Friiiiiiiiidge.

… yeah. Just... don't touch anything in there anymore. Now where did those two goo--- oh? Did you hear that? Mike? [The faint sound of high pitched mewing.] Chris Christmas! MIKE! Get back here. We’re on a mission!

KITTENS!

That’s very nice, Mike. Now leave them alone before the mama… oh dear… mommy cats--- MIKE, JUST RUN!

… a~aah… *hic*?

….

AAAAH!

Good kitties! NICE KITTI---AIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

... every year. Hang on Mike, I'm coming!



[Footsteps sound and the journal is picked up, revealing a green clad elf brandishing a candy cane wildly and danging in air by the collar from a gray cat's mouth, while a red clad elf is sobbing hysterically under the paw of a black cat surrounded by her three kittens, just a day old.

Law sighs loudly. Cranky pirate captain doctor is cranky:]

Troublesome. What have you gotten into now? We were trying to sleep.

H-hey, you! Get us out of here! We'll put in a good word with Santa for you and your boyfriend! [DON'T LET THEM EAT US!] ... p-please? We won't even tell him about that naughty book you have. Come on...

... and if all I want is for you two to leave and never come back?

... uh... but... Santa... ugh, you're in so much trouble, Mike... ..n..noo... If you don't do this, you'll end on the naughty list! Santa's watching!

... hn. [Yeah... that's really helping your case, fellas.] Fine.

[The journal cuts off.]

Comments

[deathsdoctor]

... nosy little men. They've been through all our stuff. [Yeah, Law's not too thrilled about all this. Meanwhile Amaya shakes her head from side to side, causing the elf in her jaws to screech and she pads forwards. Lookit what I caught.

So far she been resisting all Law's attempts to coax her prize from her. Because it's her prey and therefore it belongs to her!]

Apparently they were bothering the kittens and...

[WHELP.]

[yourhatred]

[Itachi bends down and holds out a hand, no words needed after a significant glance at the cat.

Amaya pads over and proudly deposits her catch into his open palm.]

[deathsdoctor]

About time. You [Pointing at Law.] were no help. I know which list you're going on.

That's fine. You were being plenty naughty yourselves with invading our privacy.

[To Itachi:] Thanks. Now...

Jaaaaack? Guuuuuuuuuuys? Little help *hic* here? [He's still under Sumire's paw, her grey kitten giving him a tentative poke with his paw.]

... for the other one...

[yourhatred]

[That one's all yours, Law.

Itachi will just be lifting Amaya into his arms and giving her pleasant scritches behind the ears - which she will likely take as a reward for her successful hunting and he wouldn't bother to argue with her if they could communicate verbally.]

Is it just the two?

[deathsdoctor]

That I've seen. [Sumire is much easier to get the elf from - she's tired and unwilling to leave her kittens for very long.] Apparently they're here to judge us.

*Hic* Santa needs to know if you've been nau-ght-y or niiice.

[yourhatred]

And are the same standards applied to his spies? I do believe theft is generally frowned upon.

[Itachi's lack of interest in his own status is quite apparent.]

[deathsdoctor]

Theft?

*HIC*

You've been in our fridge. How is that not theft?

So you begrudge a guy something to drink. Geez, what Scrooges.

[yourhatred]

The polite thing to do is to ask, or let it be offered to you. Taking without asking is the definition of theft, yes.

On that note, entering another's living quarters without permission is also considered trespassing.

[deathsdoctor]

And rifling through our belongings is just rude.

Hey, we're on a mission. Santa has to know.

... hn. This is starting to go around in circles.

[yourhatred]

I do not require presents from anyone, thus there is no reason for Santa to know anything about me.

That should solve your problem.

[deathsdoctor]

[While Law whistles internally (because he had gotten Itachi a present or two) the elf puffs up self importantly.]

Hey, we can't give up our mission because you say you don't want any gifts. Only the big man can give us orders like that.

... oh geez.

[yourhatred]

Hm.

I suppose we could forcibly remove you, then you could simply return to your employer and tell him.

[deathsdoctor]

Then Santa will simply assign you new elves. He takes finding out who's naughty or nice very seriously.

*HIC* YEAH!

[In other words, not getting rid of them at all.]

[yourhatred]

I don't see how there's any further information for you to gather, then.

[deathsdoctor]

... maybe we should lock them in the cupboards in that case. It would keep them away from the cats.

HEY! And there's plenty of information to gather.

... and out of our hair.

[yourhatred]

Seems logical enough.

[And he's mostly serious.]

[deathsdoctor]

... just not the liquor cabinet.

[THAT ONE ELF IS DRUNK ENOUGH.]

... now where...

[yourhatred]

One of the other cupboards might suffice.

And a bit of yarn might be enough to keep the handles locked up.

[deathsdoctor]

It should. How about where we keep the cleaning supplies?

HEY! HEY! HEY! ARE YOU GUYS FOR REAL?! [RUDE! RUUUUUUDE!] WE'RE RIGHT HERE!

[yourhatred]

As long as there are no chemicals to cause further intoxication.

[Those could be easily moved elsewhere.

The elves aren't given so much as a glance.]

[deathsdoctor]

Hm. To be safe, we'd better put the supplies elsewhere after we lock up our guests. ... I'm sure they could get high off of something in there.

[The elves are rather aghast. Also looking around nervously for places they can get away from the two men.

For now, anyway. They can snoop when they're asleep.]

[yourhatred]

Should we catch them now? I'm sure Amaya could do it again with little trouble.

[deathsdoctor]

It would be kinder. Less traumatic.

[Also can cats digest elves? Amaya might be sick for days.

And the elves are backing up, getting ready to flee.

They won't get far once either man makes a move.]

[yourhatred]

True. Though I believe I could command her just to catch them.

[She's not a nin-cat, but that doesn't mean he can't work with her.]

Would you like to do the honors, or should I?

[deathsdoctor]

Better ask her to round them up just in case they get free.

[Elves are fleeing now.]

They're all yours.

[Law took care of the ghosts, after all.]