deathsdoctor | 018 [Video]

[Law’s journal clicks on, thanks to the meddling of two annoying houseguests, far, far away from the man (who is manfully restraining some violent urges towards his visitors.), and records the following conversation.]

*Hic* - Hey! Hey, Jack! You gotta try this orange soda. It’s got some kick.

Santa’s going to be mad at you. No drinking on the job! … uh, where did you find that stuff, anyway?

[Inquiring elves want to know, okay?]

Friiiiiiiiidge.

… yeah. Just... don't touch anything in there anymore. Now where did those two goo--- oh? Did you hear that? Mike? [The faint sound of high pitched mewing.] Chris Christmas! MIKE! Get back here. We’re on a mission!

KITTENS!

That’s very nice, Mike. Now leave them alone before the mama… oh dear… mommy cats--- MIKE, JUST RUN!

… a~aah… *hic*?

….

AAAAH!

Good kitties! NICE KITTI---AIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

... every year. Hang on Mike, I'm coming!

[Footsteps sound and the journal is picked up, revealing a green clad elf brandishing a candy cane wildly and danging in air by the collar from a gray cat's mouth, while a red clad elf is sobbing hysterically under the paw of a black cat surrounded by her three kittens, just a day old.

Law sighs loudly. Cranky pirate captain doctor is cranky:]

Troublesome. What have you gotten into now? We were trying to sleep.

H-hey, you! Get us out of here! We'll put in a good word with Santa for you and your boyfriend! [DON'T LET THEM EAT US!] ... p-please? We won't even tell him about that naughty book you have. Come on...

... and if all I want is for you two to leave and never come back?

... uh... but... Santa... ugh, you're in so much trouble, Mike... ..n..noo... If you don't do this, you'll end on the naughty list! Santa's watching!

... hn. [Yeah... that's really helping your case, fellas.] Fine.

[The journal cuts off.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[While Law whistles internally (because he had gotten Itachi a present or two) the elf puffs up self importantly.]

Hey, we can't give up our mission because you say you don't want any gifts. Only the big man can give us orders like that.

... oh geez.

Hm.

I suppose we could forcibly remove you, then you could simply return to your employer and tell him.

Then Santa will simply assign you new elves. He takes finding out who's naughty or nice very seriously.

*HIC* YEAH!

[In other words, not getting rid of them at all.]

I don't see how there's any further information for you to gather, then.

... maybe we should lock them in the cupboards in that case. It would keep them away from the cats.

HEY! And there's plenty of information to gather.

... and out of our hair.

Seems logical enough.

[And he's mostly serious.]

... just not the liquor cabinet.

[THAT ONE ELF IS DRUNK ENOUGH.]

... now where...

One of the other cupboards might suffice.

And a bit of yarn might be enough to keep the handles locked up.

It should. How about where we keep the cleaning supplies?

HEY! HEY! HEY! ARE YOU GUYS FOR REAL?! [RUDE! RUUUUUUDE!] WE'RE RIGHT HERE!

As long as there are no chemicals to cause further intoxication.

[Those could be easily moved elsewhere.

The elves aren't given so much as a glance.]

Hm. To be safe, we'd better put the supplies elsewhere after we lock up our guests. ... I'm sure they could get high off of something in there.

[The elves are rather aghast. Also looking around nervously for places they can get away from the two men.

For now, anyway. They can snoop when they're asleep.]

Should we catch them now? I'm sure Amaya could do it again with little trouble.

It would be kinder. Less traumatic.

[Also can cats digest elves? Amaya might be sick for days.

And the elves are backing up, getting ready to flee.

They won't get far once either man makes a move.]

True. Though I believe I could command her just to catch them.

[She's not a nin-cat, but that doesn't mean he can't work with her.]

Would you like to do the honors, or should I?

Better ask her to round them up just in case they get free.

[Elves are fleeing now.]

They're all yours.

[Law took care of the ghosts, after all.]

[Itachi gives a significant look to the cat, then to the elves. Amaya's ears perk up and she is immediately bounding toward the fleeing little men, claws ready to latch onto the backs of their clothes and pin them to the ground.]

[Cue the unholy screaming and big snotty tears as the elves realize what's been loosed behind them. OH GOD. He sicced the cat on them.

Takedown is swift. Elves aren't very good runners at all.]

[The cat holds both in place, flat on her stomach and tail twitching, looking like she's about to sink her teeth into the first one that moves. (Really, she'd probably bat it around a bit first. This is fun.)

Itachi walks over calmly to pry them loose.]

[SOBBING.]

Miiiiiiiiiike. If we ever get this assignment completed, I swear I'll make up to you. [O-o-o-o-o-h Christmas. There's warm breath on his neck. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!] That place! The one with the pretty elf maids and the good hot chocolate... and oh, Mike? Mike? [Trying to look while being trapped under a paw...

OH GOOD SAINT NICK!]

MIKE! He's DEAD! She's killed him!

[Dead as in fainted dead away. Law shakes his head from where he's gone and cleaned out a cupboard. He can see the signs of life as Itachi gets there to pry them away.]

No, he's not.

Your friend is very much alive. He's simply fainted.

Please be certain to keep him from vomiting on anything important.

[Into the cubboard you go.]

[And shut immediately after the elves are deposited, the handles tied together with twine.]

We'll feed you later.

Thank the seas that's taken care of.

Do you believe we can actually keep them contained in the cupboard?

... not forever. [Sigh. Groan.] ... they'll probably get shifted out if this experiment follows the usual form.

Well of course.

I meant until then.

Hmm. I think the door'll hold. [Considering.] Don't think they'll be able to get through the walls either.

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